Floating Humor: Boats And Sinking Jokes

There are many jokes about boats and ships. Some of them are funny, some of them are terrible. But if you're looking for a laugh, or just want to find out what kind of boat never sinks, then read on. This joke has been doing the rounds for a while, and it's a good one to have in your back pocket.

Boat puns

Why did the motorboat sink when it was moored against the pontoon? It gave in to pier pressure!

Where did the flying boat land? At the air-port.

What kind of sale was happening at the boat store? A two-for-one sail.

What type of vegetable is banned on ships? Leeks!

What’s a pirate’s favourite letter? Aye, you may think it’s the RRRRR, but it’s the C that they’re in love with!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!

When the bottom of a cargo ship got a hole, it had one hull of a problem.

The cost of a galvanised hull is enough to zinc a ship.

When the captain’s ship ran aground, he couldn’t fathom why.

What did the ship’s captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel? We’re in dire straits!

Why is sailing like oil drilling? They’re both a crewd business!

How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A buck-an-ear!

Why was the boat on a dating app? To find a relation-ship.

Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise!

What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the tides? Johnny Depth.

What is the most crowded and caring boat called? A friend-ship.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.

What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved.

Why was the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie not allowed to play on the cruise? Because of censor-ship!

What is the name of the boat made of cork? Bobby.

How do you get fresh milk from a boat? By pulling on its rudder.

What is the name of the most joyful ship? The laughter-ship.

What did the sailor say when his crew was finally ready to set sail? It’s a-boat time!

What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock? “I haven’t got a crew.”

What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board? “Water you doing here!?”

How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge? S-cargo.

Why did the therapist ask their client to go on a cruise? So they could seas the day.

What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!

What race doesn’t require running? A regatta race.

What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited? “You can’t just barge in like that!”

Why did the Norwegian sell their boat? They couldn’t a-fjord it!

Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop. It was quite an oar deal.

Did you hear about the boat full of gang members? It was a blood vessel.

A tanker transporting blue paint collided into another tanker carrying red paint. Both crews were marooned.

Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat? He was worried about cap sizing.

Boat one-liners

• What kind of sale was happening at the boat store? A two-for-one sail.
• What causes some boats to become party boats? Pier pressure.
• Why did the students go on the boat? To get their scholar-ship!
• Why couldn’t the sailors play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck.
• Have you heard about the Bluetooth iceberg? Any ship that goes near it will sync.
• What do you call an android that was designed to move a small wooden boat around? A row-bot.
• What do you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.
• What do you call the fastest sailboat in the world? Usain Boat.
• What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved.
• Why are boats not weirded out by another boat and their activities? Because they respect whatever floats each other’s boats.
• Why was the boat on a dating app? To find a relation-ship.
• Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise!
• What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the tides? Johnny Depth.
• What is the most crowded and caring boat called? A friend-ship.
• Why do scuba divers fall backward off the boat? Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.
• What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat? A see captain.
• Where do the most deadly creatures like zombies go for sailing? To the Dead Sea.
• What was the name of the boat filled with football players? Sportsman-ship.
• How to make a boat feel healthy? Just give it some vitamin sea.
• Which music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat? Maroon 5.
• Why was ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ not allowed to play on the cruise? Because of censor-ship!
• What is the name of the boat made of hardtack biscuits? A hard-ship.
• What do the sailors use to clean their noses when they have a cold? Anchor-chiefs!
• How do sailors greet each other on the cruise? They start waving.
• Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea? To test the water.
• What did the boat say to the other boat? Can I get a free pass on row-mance?
• Why did the laughter-ship sink very often? Because the anchor took a break!
• What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork? Bobby.
• What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely? Sailgating.
• How do you get fresh milk from a boat? By pulling on its rudder.
• What is the name of the most joyful ship? The laughter-ship.
• What did the sailor say when his crew was finally ready to set sail? It’s a-boat time!
• What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock? “I haven’t got a crew.”
• What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board? “Water you doing here!?”
• How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge? S-cargo.
• Why did the therapist ask their client to go on a cruise? So they could seas the day.
• What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!
• What race doesn’t require running? A regatta race.
• What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited? “You can’t just barge in like that!”
• What happens when a boat passes near a sleeping duck? It’s a wake.
• Why did the Norwegian sell their boat? They couldn’t a-fjord it!
• What did Captain Hook buy his hook with? Second-hand money.
• Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships? So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian.

Boat stories

Ah, the open seas! There's nothing quite like the feeling of freedom and adventure that comes with setting sail. And what better way to pass the time on a leisurely cruise than with a few boat-related jokes and stories? So, without further ado, let's dive into some whimsical tales that will surely bring a smile to your face and a warm breeze to your soul.

The Perils of Pier Pressure

Once upon a time, there was a young sailor named Jack. He found himself on a grand ship, sailing towards uncharted waters. One fateful night, as the moon cast an ethereal glow upon the deck, Jack gave in to the temptations of pier pressure. He found himself drawn to the railing, gazing down at the dark depths below. In a moment of impulsivity, he leaped over the side, embracing the exhilarating rush of the wind. Little did he know, his fellow sailors were adept party planners, and the ship itself was the life of the party! As he plunged into the icy waters, he realized his mistake. His shipmates, unfazed by his dramatic exit, continued their revelry, leaving Jack to contemplate the folly of succumbing to peer pressure.

The Mysterious Captain's Envelope

On a different vessel, a legendary captain ruled the seas with unmatched prowess. His crew admired his fearless navigation through treacherous storms and pirate-infested waters. However, this captain had a peculiar ritual. Each morning, he would retreat to his quarters, unlock a small safe, and extract an envelope containing a piece of paper. The crew speculated wildly about its contents—a treasure map? A declaration of love? One day, their questions were answered. The captain, on his deathbed, summoned his first mate and revealed the enigmatic paper. Upon it were four words, divided into two lines: "Where does a boat go when it's poorly?" The crew was perplexed, but the first mate, with a twinkle in his eye, declared, "It's a sick bay!"

The Bluetooth Iceberg

In the frigid waters of the Antarctic, a peculiar phenomenon occurred. An enormous iceberg, glowing with an ethereal light, loomed in the path of a cruise ship. As the ship drew closer, the passengers realized, with a mix of awe and horror, that the iceberg was emitting a Bluetooth signal! One by one, their devices began to sync with the enigmatic iceberg. Suddenly, a chorus of voices, songs, and notifications echoed across the frozen landscape. The ship's captain, with a nervous chuckle, reminded everyone to "please remember to unpair their devices."

The Tooth Ferry

In a quaint seaside town, a dentist had a peculiar dream. He envisioned a floating dental office, where he could provide dental care to the seafaring folk who passed through. And so, he set up shop on a sturdy boat, christening it "The Tooth Ferry." News of the floating dentist spread far and wide, and soon, he had a steady stream of patients. The gentle rocking of the boat soothed nervous patients, and the sound of seagulls added a touch of calm to the whirring of the dental drill. The Tooth Ferry became a beloved fixture, bringing relief to those with aching teeth and a unique tale to tell their landlubber friends.

The Regetta Race

And last but not least, let us not forget the thrilling regatta race! In this tale, a group of sailors gathered from far and wide, each eager to prove their sailing prowess. The race began with a cannon blast, and the boats surged forward like graceful dancers on the waves. The spectators cheered, the sun sparkled on the water, and the sails billowed with determination. As the boats rounded the final buoy, the tension mounted. In a breathtaking finish, a dark horse sailor crossed the line first, claiming victory. The regatta race, with its blend of skill and nautical magic, became etched in the annals of sailing lore.

Boat-related jokes about other topics

What kind of vegetable is banned on ships? Leeks!

What’s a pirate’s favourite letter? Aye, you may think it’s the RRRRR, but it’s the C that they’re in love with!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!

When the bottom of a cargo ship got a hole, it had one hull of a problem.

The cost of a galvanised hull is enough to zinc a ship.

When the captain’s ship ran aground he couldn’t fathom why.

What did the ship’s captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel? We’re in dire straits!

Why is sailing like oil drilling? They’re both a crewd business!

How much did the pirate pay for his piercings? A buck-an-ear!

Why couldn’t the famous pirate sell his ship? Because it was unassailable.

Why did the admiral decide against buying a new hat? He was worried about cap sizing.

What’s another name for the captain of a sailboat? A sails manager!

Why is pirating addictive? Once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

I used to have a fear of boats, but that ship has sailed.

Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.

A pirate ship is an assailing vessel.

I once saw a juggler juggling twenty paddles. It was oar inspiring.

Why were cruises cheaper before steamboats were invented? Because cruises were always on sale.

Do you want to keep paddling in circles or not? It’s an either oar situation.

I’m not one for buoyancy, but whatever floats your boat.

Big sale on rowing paddles at my local shop. It’s quite an oar deal.

I refused to live in the same cabin as the captain. This didn’t boat well with him.

Old sailors never die, they just get a little dinghy.

I can’t think of any more boat puns. Canoe?

Boat jokes about specific types of boats

Why did the sailor fall sick after looking at his boating test score? Because he got C-sick.

What did Gotye say after he sold his boat? Now you’re just some boat that I used to row.

A dentist opened an office on a boat. What was the boat’s name? The Tooth Ferry.

How did the wedding on the boat go? They had a ferry-tale ending!

What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved.

Why did the dolphin chase the boat? To find its porpoise!

What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the tides? Johnny Depth.

What is the most crowded and caring boat called? A friend-ship.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat? Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.

What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat? A see captain.

Where do the most deadly creatures like zombies go for sailing? To the Dead Sea.

What was the name of the boat filled with football players? Sportsman-ship.

How to make a boat feel healthy? Just give it some vitamin sea.

Which music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat? Maroon 5.

Why did the laughter-ship sink very often? Because the anchor took a break!

What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork? Bobby.

What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely? Sailgating.

How do you get fresh milk from a boat? By pulling on its rudder.

What is the name of the most joyful ship? The laughter-ship.

What did the sailor say when his crew was finally ready to set sail? It’s a-boat time!

What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock? “I haven’t got a crew.”

What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board? “Water you doing here!?”

How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge? S-cargo.

Why did the therapist ask their client to go on a cruise? So they could seas the day.

What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!

What race doesn’t require running? A regatta race.

Frequently asked questions